Abbaya Thoughts

Do you remember times as a little child always knowing which legs were your mom's to grab onto? Have you ever had a child mistakenly grab onto your jean-wrapped leg only to realize you weren't his mom? Now imagine a little child here navigating a sea of black clad women especially if their faces are covered! Initially Abby was okay with the women coming up and kissing on her and stroking her golden hair. Then after a few months it started to make her feel, well, we'll just say less than comfortable. However, these are some of the things we'll miss when we leave.

I came across this picture some time ago and found it quite funny probably because it is so true!

We had to give our own version of a family picture. Fortunately for Dano, we are still quite easily discernible.

Abby loves her very own abbya and wanted Emily to wear hers. Yes, Emily has one, too, thanks to my parents.
Erin, loving the green and wondering how she'd blow bubbles with her gum if she had to cover her face.Kennedy couldn't stop laughing. If she really lived here, though, she wouldn't think it was very funny. Once you start wearing this, it's "goodbye" to co-ed mingling.
Who says this is confining? I say it's freedom!
No more worrying about doing your hair before going out. You only need to worry about eye make-up, and that's only if you're not wearing the part that covers your entire face. Freedom.

Wearing the abbaya cuts back on time spent in the gym as this baby is virtually a sauna suit. Run all your errands while exercising. And when you arrive at your destination, no one will even see your sweat!

Freedom from embarrassing halitosis. Not to mention, those unformidable stray pieces of leftover lunch lodged in your front teeth that no one will tell you about.

There's the awkward "unmentionables" in your nose that, again, no one will tell you about which stay perfectly hidden under a hijab.

Freedom from worrying that someone will notice if you wore the same outfit two or maybe three days in a row. Heck, there have even been a couple of times we've been on the run and I've thrown it on over my pajamas and no one was the wiser! That is a far cry better than what I've been told about other women who in the heat of the summer wear only their skivvies underneath. Freedom!

You don't trip on it that often and your children only step on it when they're not looking. You learn to pick it up getting off escalators (there are even signs to remind us) and getting in cars. When completely covered, you can walk around and no one will even know who you are. You're essentially a black ghost.

So who wouldn't want to wear this? (only forty-three more hours...until real freedom.)

When all is said and done, we think this is what they're really doing under the hijab:

A Good Heart

We’ve always known Kennedy was a thoughtful girl. We’ve always known she has great potential. As she grows, it is exciting to see this potential take shape.

Last fall after watching the news reports regarding the cholera outbreak in Haiti, Kennedy wanted to do something to help the effort in Haiti. She went to talk to her form head to propose an idea for a fundraiser. She quickly arranged a “Hats off for Haiti” day where students could wear a hat to school if they donated 5 SR (Saudi Riyals). She ended up raising 320 SR which is approximately $85. She was very excited by the response and was glad she was able to help make a small contribution. As her form head gave her jurisdiction of where to donate it, we wired a transfer to the United Way.
Then last month tragedy struck in Joplin. We have some good friends from our Stillwater, OK days who live there. The husband of this family was Dano’s first boss at MerCruiser upon graduating from OSU. We were very concerned about them and everyone else whose lives were devastated by this tornado. As we sat watching everyday and wishing we were closer so we could do more, Kennedy was preparing to take action. She again came up with a fundraiser, got approval, enlisted the help of a couple of friends, and set to work. For three days they sold candy grams.

First notion to consider, fundraisers are not practiced here. Many kids didn’t really understand the concept. Second, most of the kids at school as well as the teachers did not know what candy grams are. Some bought one to be supportive then sent it to themselves.

Kennedy, though, was in her element and loved all of it. She did great with the organizing and the collecting of funds. She and her friends did great delivering the candy grams. It was because of its success that it went for three days. After the notes were all delivered, the candy all eaten, and the money all counted, Kennedy, with the help of her friends, had raised 2011 SR ($535). She is so very thrilled with this outcome. (We are so very proud of her driven desire to initiate charitable causes.) We don’t hope for any more natural disasters. We just hope for more natural leaders like Kennedy. And, when disasters do happen, we know Kennedy will always be first in line to help.

Like Mother Like Daughter

When I was a little girl I had several bad experiences with eggs that resulted in my pure hate relationship with them. I can recount stories involving eggs scrambled, poached, fried, boiled, and in egg salad sandwiches…all of which end quite badly; in some cases for the egg, but in most cases for me! Actually I can think of two ways I like eggs: in quiche and cookies or cakes. I do like a good Cadbury egg at Easter time as well. But, I digress.

Abigail has turned out to be a very, very picky eater. Her dining repertoire consists of as many foods as I can count on both hands. We are always trying to get her to try new foods, but she is quite reluctant to touch anything to her lips that she is uncertain of. So, while sitting in the Frankfurt Airport lounge we were happy to see her show some interest in a hard-boiled egg. Her original interest, I believe, came because it had been dyed pink for the upcoming Easter holidays. She brought it to us and asked what it was. We told her it was an egg, like what we make quiche with. She is a fellow quiche-lover and an expert egg-cracker when assisting with any baking. Her curiosity piqued, she decided to take a bite. The following photos are of the reaction that ensued.
By the time it was actually shelled, it was too late. She had already traded up for a biscuit and told Erin to get it away from her. (Frankly, I can't blame her.) P-U!

A Whirlwind Month – Part 2

I don’t know if it was all the work I did ;) , the good feeling our house emits, or just bounteous blessings, but after eight days we were signing a contract on our house! We were very surprised and feel so very, very blessed. We were planning on coming back in the summer and spending a good part of July in Ohio sorting, packing, swimming, and playing with friends. Dano and I immediately began trying to figure out how in the world to make it work…to get out of the house.We decided to cancel our spring break to South Africa and take the entire family back to Ohio instead.

We had our stopover in Dubai, where we enjoyed a wonderful stake conference for our church, then flew out of Dubai on Saturday, April 16. We arrived home late that night. Everyone was sooo happy to be in our home. We didn’t really talk about it being the last time. I think we knew what we were there to do. Unfortunately there was no swimming, but there was basketball, football, kite flying, taco salad, biscuits and gravy, taking in the view out the windows, playing on the playset, running in the rain, kids’ slumber parties in the guest room, lunchtime visits with friends at school, and cleaning. Oh, the joy of cleaning. I think that’s why there was so much of the former…to avoid the cleaning…and the sorting…

In three short days we were able to get it all done (including a trip out to Amish country) and we were (mostly) ready for the packers on Thursday. They packed our overseas shipment on Thursday and Friday. As we had decided to have our own mattresses with us, they were packed and we were left bed-less. We were offered to stay at the Greif homestead, Marycrest Farms.
We had not been able to stay there previously so were very excited to spend the Easter weekend there. I could write an entirely separate blog on the history of this remarkable place. It has such an ambiance that embraces you from the moment you drive through the gates. It truly felt like another home for us.

The kids enjoyed running down the hills and climbing the trees. It made our two acres seem small and confining. The children were pleased to find a piano in the family room and quickly put it to good use.
They were happy the Easter Bunny found us at Marycrest. He had not been able to find us in Jordan last year.


It was a beautiful Easter day and we were glad to enjoy ham (perfect timing for that!) with our good friends the Porters.
I think this spontaneous trip to Ohio was just what our children needed. They had a great time enjoying friends (Thanks to the Carters for hosting everyone!)
and many of the things I wrote about before.

We surely love Ohio and look forward to moving back there…..someday.

A Whirlwind Month – Part 1

Dano spent the first two weeks of March in London at London’s Business School. Fortunately Greif now has a very nice driver who can also take our family where we need to go; very helpful when Dano is not here. He returned to host the Greif board of directors for their visit to Jeddah. When they flew back to the U.S., Emily, Abigail, and I flew with them. (A short time ago Dano and I decided the best thing for our family was to sell our house.) So with mixed emotions we selected a realtor and I headed home to prepare it for sale.

I was a little apprehensive about flying half-way across the world with the two little girls. We had a two a.m. flight to Frankfurt which is normal for flying out of here. Flying with these four men made that first leg of our trip seamless. (Except for the stroller which somehow became a three-wheeler during the flight. I think the airline must have stowed it with the landing gear so it came down with such.) They ensured I didn’t have to carry a carseat or bag, much less a child. Their layover was longer than ours so they shuttled us through the Frankfurt airport to our gate and saw us successfully on our next flight. These men are a tribute to why Dano enjoys working at Greif - titles aside, families and people matter most.

From there it was just a long trip. Emily decided fifteen minutes before take-off would be a great time to…relieve herself. The flight attendant would not let me get up to change her. She promptly fell asleep upon take-off (Emily-not the flight attendant) and had to sleep in “it” until they turned off the seatbelt light thirty minutes later. Details spared, it was fortuitous that I took an extra change of clothing for her. Although, in regards to the airplane bathrooms, they are not quite large enough to pass as changing tables, and I did feel so badly that we were leaving that “gift” in there at the beginning of a nine hour flight.

The rest of the flight was kind of a blur. Abby slept for about two hours. Emily slept off and on in their idea of a bassinet, not like the airline bassinets I’ve previously written about. This one was more like a coroner’s body bag for infants. If I could have found the camera Dano packed for me I would have snapped a picture. It was a vinyl gray bag that lay on the floor and zipped up both sides. It was weird, but the only way she was going to get some rest. Abby, on the other hand, enjoyed watching Tangled. When she finished watching it and asked to watch it again, the moderate-television-watching-mom in me thought one movie was enough. I then looked at my watch, realized we had five more hours to go, and eagerly pressed ‘play.‘

We landed in Chicago late. I quickly maneuvered us through customs and headed to retrieve our luggage. Ours, by chance, were the last ones off, minus Emily’s carseat. There was not much we could do as we had to run to our next flight. I rechecked our luggage and ran with the girls through security to find our flight. By this point my two little troopers were tired and getting hungry. The security officer told me not to waste my time; there was no way I was making it to my flight and to go rebook it. The ticket agent was less than helpful or empathetic. With both girls now crying we stood there for twenty minutes as she stared at a monitor with her fingers clicking on the keyboard at about 140 words/minute. What are they really doing when they do this? Seriously, it was like I was in a comedy. After all that, I was certain she was going to be a hero and tell me she’d gotten us on the next flight. Nope. She got us on the flight six hours later. Again, seriously?!! I knew by then we were drawing a lot of looks. I wanted to start crying myself.

I loaded our crippled stroller, Abby’s carseat and backpack on a trolley and begged special approval to take it between terminals. The agents at the other end were able to get us on standby and we thankfully got on the next flight. I was able to call Dano from the airport lounge phone to let him know we’d missed our flight. Our good friend had already been to the airport to pick us up. He didn’t find us, of course, but was able to convince airport workers to let him take our luggage. We joked about how secure that is!! Later that evening, though, we finally made it, twenty-eight hours from the time we’d left Jeddah. Needless to say we slept well that night.

The next two weeks were packed. My sister and her husband and baby came to visit for the weekend and I was able to meet my super-adorably cute nephew. It was so fun to have them there. Her husband’s brother and his family came down from Midland for a visit; also very fun to have them, though I did feel a little guilty inviting them into CRAZY. Dano’s dad came out to do any the touch-up work that needed to be done and my mom came out to help with whatever I needed.

Many details aside, we made it out of the house as it was snowing. Emily didn’t think that was very funny. Abby thought it was great! And sadly, just like that, there was no turning back. Our house was listed and there would be a sign in the yard the next day. We’ve had this house for six years now which is the longest I’ve ever been in one house. There are so many memories of family and friends there. We truly made this house our home. I know they say when you sell a house the first thing you have to do is remove all emotion. I kept telling myself this over and over. But, the emotions are there and always will be. I know we’ll drive down Highlands Drive many times over the next many years and the memories will flood every time…of moving in,
celebrating birthdays, family slumber parties, planting trees and bushes, building our playset, football games, shooting rockets, flying kites, basketball games, holidays, bringing home Abigail, baseball games, catching fireflies, swimming, burying Piper, soccer games, roasting marshmallows, watching wildlife, rocking on the front porch, getting up in the middle of the night to watch meteor showers, and marveling at rainbows.
This is the end of a long chapter of our lives, but the pages were full and the ending is sweet.

My First Azza

Recently one of Dano’s colleagues lost his father. Dano told me he would be going to pay his respects. I asked if I could or should go with him. I have never met this gentleman nor did I have any idea what proper Islamic protocol was. I asked one of my friends what would be appropriate for me to do. She is a wonderful and open source of information. Hopefully I can pen with respect what she taught me about this element of the Muslim faith.

Following Muslim tradition, a person is buried the same day they pass away, if possible. There is no preparing the body as we are accustomed to, aside from washing and applying perfumes. They are then wrapped with a white cloth called khafan. They believe that once a person has died, the body belongs to Allah. There is a gathering of family members to say goodbye and then the men only are permitted to the burial site. Many Muslims choose to be buried in Mecca, a very sacred site. They are buried on their right sides facing Mecca. Their graves are not marked as they never revisit the graves of those who have passed on. Then three days of mourning begin. They believe that once the buried person is left alone, they meet Allah and their day of reckoning begins. They must answer for their lives and actions. The family meets for the three days time to accept friends and family who come to offer prayers on behalf of the departed. This event is called the Azza.

Of course, following Muslim tradition, men and women would never gather together. This man’s family and friends are extensive so the Azzas were not even held in the same house. Dano visited his colleague at his home and I went to a family home clear on the other side of town. My friend offered to go with me to explain to me and translate for me when necessary. She explained that this would also be favorable for her before Allah.

She prepped me that I should not wear makeup as this was a time of mourning and the women do not wear makeup whilst mourning. She also suggested I wear my hijab (head scarf). I assumed as much and already had it out. This would be the first time I would ever wear it in public.

It was killing me to go empty handed. It just seemed wrong! I felt like I needed to take at least a plant or small bouquet of flowers. Dano assured me his esteemed coworker told him this would not be appropriate. The most valuable and appreciated offering I could bring would be my prayers of mercy for their loved one; that’s really all they want. They take the first few days of the after-life very seriously.

Women of the departed’s family all dress in white. My friend was not sure why this was. She actually thought it was funny that I asked. She said it’s just tradition, a custom, and she’d never asked why. It was actually quite beautiful. Everyone else wore black abbayas and they were in white dresses. We arrived just as Maghrib prayer was beginning. We sat in the rows of chairs while the women of the family and any others who wanted to join in, prayed in the open courtyard. When prayer was over, a designated family member began reading from the Qur’an. They do this in a somewhat singing fashion. My friend and I had been quietly conversing back in our corner about everything that was happening and I was enjoying taking it all in. Then I suppose the reader reached a part where the traditional prayer is said on behalf of the deceased, because almost instinctively it grew completely quiet and everyone bowed their heads and held their hands open in their laps, palms open or up, many of them reciting the words along with the prayer-giver. I was amazed how many of them had this lengthy prayer memorized. I mentioned this to my friend at the conclusion. She told me when you attend Azza you kind of pick it up. Unlike us, who only attend a funeral if we really knew the person or have a reason to go, anyone is welcome at Azza. It is mutually beneficial to attend; it gains favor for you in the sight of Allah and adds blessings and prayers for the recently departed. I thought it might be awkward for me to go considering I didn’t know the family. No, I believe they were happy I was there. I was happy to be there. There was a peaceful feeling amongst those women. Although I have somewhat different beliefs than they do, their sincerity is beautiful. In the end, don’t we all want to be accepted by God?

Dano’s experience was slightly shorter than mine. He went with a friend to their colleague’s home, offered his thoughts and prayers on behalf of his departed father, not shaking hands but rather placing right hands on each other’s shoulders and saying, “Azzam Allah Ajrakum” which means “May God make better your bereavement.” They visited for a few more moments and then left as several members of the royal family were arriving. (This man and his father are quite prominent in the area.) This is where our cultures were the same…Dano stayed a mere ten minutes whilst we stayed for forty-five minutes.

I am grateful for this opportunity to see this part of the Muslim culture. It continues to remind me what a good, God-fearing, family-oriented people they are. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with this family during their sorrow.

BSME Games

In November Ethan was selected to be one of the twenty-five athletes to represent Jeddah Prep & Grammar School (JPGS) at the British Schools of the Middle East (BSME) Under 11 (U11) Games. Team members were selected based on their athletic ability and their maturity to represent the school. The team would compete in multiple sports including, football (soccer), basketball, swimming, athletics (track & field), and netball (an international adaptation of basketball for girls only). With the limit of 25 team members, the versatility of playing multiple sports was important. This plays well to Ethan who has not yet met a sport he doesn’t like. He will admit that baseball is far better than cricket, but if the only way you can play with a bat and ball is to bowl for wickets, well you have to give it a go.

When the kids returned to school after Christmas vacation, Ethan began practicing for the games. It was great to see him dive in and work hard to improve his skills. He actively practiced with the football, basketball, and swimming team. We were amazed by the aggressive nature of his swim practice. During the course of his hour and a half practice he swam hundreds of meters of front crawl, breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly, and medley drills. For the first time, I think we saw Ethan actually get to a point of being slightly tired. He still has incredible stamina and appetite to compete.

Just as preparations were getting serious, the political turmoil in the Middle East began to boil. Did I mention JPGS was signed up to participate in the “small” schools BSME Games in the Cairo? After Ethan expressed his concern for his friend who recently moved to Cairo, he began to wonder what would be the fate of his competition. As the situation seemed to quickly resolve the initial phase of revolution, the school made the decision to remain enrolled in the games. Up to the very last minute, the games were going as planned and JPGS was planning to attend. Three weeks before the games, however, the organizers canceled them. This brought great disappointment to our family. Ethan was disappointed he would not be able to compete. I was disappointed I was going to miss the opportunity to go to Cairo and support him. Within less than a week we received word from the coach that a spot had opened up for the “big” school BSME games in Qatar. Again, excitement prevailed and a few questions were asked. What happened to allow us to get into these games? Is Qatar safe? Can we still arrange things to allow me to watch and support Ethan? It turned out a last minute spot was made available in these games because a Bahraini school pulled out due to the unrest in their island country. We are sorry for their misfortune but excited to have the opportunity to compete.

Melissa and I woke up early to get Ethan to the school by 6:00 a.m. so he could join his team and travel to the airport. Yet again, we had the unsettling experience of putting one of our children on a plane destined for a country neither of us had been to. Thankfully I would be joining him one day later. As it turned out Kennedy and Erin made the trip as well. Day one of the games was basketball and swimming. The coaches elected to have Ethan sit out the basketball game, as his stamina was needed in the swimming. The girls and I arrived just in time for start of the swim competition. Ethan worked hard and competed to the very end of each race. He swam in the freestyle, breaststroke, and all of the relays. Ethan was younger than most of the athletes by as much as two years. He did not let this intimidate him.
Friday (day 2) came and brought with it the contests of football and athletics. As Doha is a bit freer than Saudi Arabia, the girls and I were able to join the local Doha Ward for church. We felt like we were in Houston, Texas. Many of the members were Exxon Mobile employees or other oil and gas exploration employees working in Qatar. Kennedy quite enjoyed the opportunity to meet with a large group of youth. We arrived at the school after our team had been eliminated from the football competition. After the teams competed in netball and the football finals there was a bit of time before dinner started. It was very interesting to see how the group naturally filled the time. Someone started playing dance music, another boy grabbed the microphone, and an interschool dance contest broke out on the stage.
If you leave a bunch of nine to eleven year olds to it, you can bet life will never get boring. Erin enjoyed dancing along with her friend.
After a little dancing, Ethan had had enough and went with a few other boys to join in a pick-up game of football. During the game, Ethan met with the ground resulting in a fairly bloody elbow. They made a little bit of a big deal about this, but Ethan didn’t mind as it meant a trip to the ambulance. His lucky day!!
Saturday (day 3) morning brought the final event, athletics. Ethan was asked to anchor his team’s 4x60m relay. With excitement he watched as his teammates raced around the track with the baton. As the baton reached him, he grabbed it and ran for all he had. I was very happy to see Ethan race hard to the finish. He is very fun to watch compete. The only thing left was the awards gala and the flight home the next day. The athletes were instructed to take “smart” clothes for the gala. We did not know what “smart” clothes were. We asked one of the British teachers at the kids’ school what this term meant. He described it at “Sunday Best.” Ethan knew what that meant and gladly took his white shirt and tie. He looked sharp. Ethan and his teammates enjoyed a feast and a great awards gala.
With the games complete, it was time to fly back to Jeddah. Even with the best efforts, the girls and I were not able to get on the same flight as the team. We got tickets on a flight that arrived about 30 minutes before the team which allowed us time to go home, drop off our suitcases, and arrive at the school in time to greet the bus as the team returned.

The BSME Games in Qatar were great fun for all of us. It was an opportunity for Ethan to compete on a much bigger stage and he learned a lot. The girls and I enjoyed cheering him on and the opportunity to eat at an American style restaurant each morning for breakfast. Doha is a great city. It felt like a place where it would be enjoyable to live and work.