My First Azza

Recently one of Dano’s colleagues lost his father. Dano told me he would be going to pay his respects. I asked if I could or should go with him. I have never met this gentleman nor did I have any idea what proper Islamic protocol was. I asked one of my friends what would be appropriate for me to do. She is a wonderful and open source of information. Hopefully I can pen with respect what she taught me about this element of the Muslim faith.

Following Muslim tradition, a person is buried the same day they pass away, if possible. There is no preparing the body as we are accustomed to, aside from washing and applying perfumes. They are then wrapped with a white cloth called khafan. They believe that once a person has died, the body belongs to Allah. There is a gathering of family members to say goodbye and then the men only are permitted to the burial site. Many Muslims choose to be buried in Mecca, a very sacred site. They are buried on their right sides facing Mecca. Their graves are not marked as they never revisit the graves of those who have passed on. Then three days of mourning begin. They believe that once the buried person is left alone, they meet Allah and their day of reckoning begins. They must answer for their lives and actions. The family meets for the three days time to accept friends and family who come to offer prayers on behalf of the departed. This event is called the Azza.

Of course, following Muslim tradition, men and women would never gather together. This man’s family and friends are extensive so the Azzas were not even held in the same house. Dano visited his colleague at his home and I went to a family home clear on the other side of town. My friend offered to go with me to explain to me and translate for me when necessary. She explained that this would also be favorable for her before Allah.

She prepped me that I should not wear makeup as this was a time of mourning and the women do not wear makeup whilst mourning. She also suggested I wear my hijab (head scarf). I assumed as much and already had it out. This would be the first time I would ever wear it in public.

It was killing me to go empty handed. It just seemed wrong! I felt like I needed to take at least a plant or small bouquet of flowers. Dano assured me his esteemed coworker told him this would not be appropriate. The most valuable and appreciated offering I could bring would be my prayers of mercy for their loved one; that’s really all they want. They take the first few days of the after-life very seriously.

Women of the departed’s family all dress in white. My friend was not sure why this was. She actually thought it was funny that I asked. She said it’s just tradition, a custom, and she’d never asked why. It was actually quite beautiful. Everyone else wore black abbayas and they were in white dresses. We arrived just as Maghrib prayer was beginning. We sat in the rows of chairs while the women of the family and any others who wanted to join in, prayed in the open courtyard. When prayer was over, a designated family member began reading from the Qur’an. They do this in a somewhat singing fashion. My friend and I had been quietly conversing back in our corner about everything that was happening and I was enjoying taking it all in. Then I suppose the reader reached a part where the traditional prayer is said on behalf of the deceased, because almost instinctively it grew completely quiet and everyone bowed their heads and held their hands open in their laps, palms open or up, many of them reciting the words along with the prayer-giver. I was amazed how many of them had this lengthy prayer memorized. I mentioned this to my friend at the conclusion. She told me when you attend Azza you kind of pick it up. Unlike us, who only attend a funeral if we really knew the person or have a reason to go, anyone is welcome at Azza. It is mutually beneficial to attend; it gains favor for you in the sight of Allah and adds blessings and prayers for the recently departed. I thought it might be awkward for me to go considering I didn’t know the family. No, I believe they were happy I was there. I was happy to be there. There was a peaceful feeling amongst those women. Although I have somewhat different beliefs than they do, their sincerity is beautiful. In the end, don’t we all want to be accepted by God?

Dano’s experience was slightly shorter than mine. He went with a friend to their colleague’s home, offered his thoughts and prayers on behalf of his departed father, not shaking hands but rather placing right hands on each other’s shoulders and saying, “Azzam Allah Ajrakum” which means “May God make better your bereavement.” They visited for a few more moments and then left as several members of the royal family were arriving. (This man and his father are quite prominent in the area.) This is where our cultures were the same…Dano stayed a mere ten minutes whilst we stayed for forty-five minutes.

I am grateful for this opportunity to see this part of the Muslim culture. It continues to remind me what a good, God-fearing, family-oriented people they are. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with this family during their sorrow.